I got this

Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. I've been to the gym every day this week. Wednesday I bitched and complained but I did 20 minutes of Cardio. Work today was shitastic so I was excited about burning off my anger. It's amazing how I wanted to do something good for myself instead of stuffing my pie hole with crap. I'm making changes little by little.

I want this to stick. I need this to work. I'm tired of being overweight. I've abused my body with the food I've eaten, the bottles of wine I've guzzled down and my sedentary lifestyle.

This battle, for me, is 90% mental. I talk shit about myself and I let my self-talk hold me down. I just feel over it. I want to live damn it! I haven't been living. I've been eating and drinking away my feelings.

I still have a long way to go. I've gone this far and then said fuck it. My hope is that I'm retraining myself. I'm learning to love myself again. I can picture what I looked like 80lbs lighter. I have hope. It's a glimmer, a speck, a spark but it's there.

Speaking of spark (nice transition eh?) I've been using SparkPeople to track my food, water intake and exercise. My good friend Emmie loves it and suggested I sign up. I did back in February. I looked around and promptly forgot about it. I've been using the site for a few weeks and I love it now. I don't like tracking calories but SparkPeople analyzes what I eat and spits out charts and graphs! Another bonus is that everything on the site is free.

The more time I spend on the SparkPeople site, the more I realize I'm probably going to withdraw from the Weight Loss Challenge. I went for my body analysis on Wednesday. The numbers weren't anything I didn't already know. There was a push to buy the products. I refused. It was awkward. The more I think about the Challenge in and of itself, it's quick and easy weight loss drinking the Herbalife shakes. Yes, I can still participate without using the products. My weight loss will average 1-2 lbs/week. That's what I'm aiming for.  I won't lose as much weight as the other challengers. Which means I have no chance of winning the money.  It's not just about the money. Since the first meeting I've felt something was "off" and I decided to stick it out. I believe these Herbalife Distributors want us to lose weight. They want us drinking shakes and dropping weight which equals repeat sales and more money in their pockets. If that's not enough, the health information they are giving us is not accurate. I know what I need to do to lose the weight. I've just been too lazy to do it. So I'm going to withdraw. I'm not quitting. I'm not a quitter anymore.

I quit taking care of myself and look where it got me? I'm on the path to a new me. The Princess says I look like I lost ONE WHOLE POUND! I got this! (in my best George Lopez voice)