Project 52 - Week 4

Monday, January 31, 2011

Week 4 my Princess turned 8. She has been ripped off two years in a row. I didn't write her a birthday post this year or last year. I still plan to write her a post this year after her birthday party on Saturday. All hope is not lost.

On her actual birthday we made cupcakes. The Princess loves to bake. She loves to help out in the kitchen anyway she can. Cleaning or cooking. I know, I'm lucky!

After we got the cupcakes in the oven, she sat down to have her reward.

Project 52 - Week 3

Thursday, January 20, 2011

I had a vision for this photo. I saw it in my mind all week long. When I enlisted The Princess as my assistant, gathered her basketball and started snapping photo's....I found I couldn't create the photo in my head.

I am very uncoordinated on a regular basis. I couldn't quite figure out the alignment for the ball, her hands and my position/angle when taking the photo.

This is the one I chose for Week 3 of my Project 52. It's my favorite of the 24 photo's I took.

I love how you can see the entire ball, her hands which look big but are so small and precious. I also like how you can see her in the background just a little bit. She was watching Phineas & Ferb while I continually asked her not to move. She's a great sport!

Share your Project 365 photo's or Project 52. I'd love to see your photo's!!

Poetry Day 2

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I'm back to share two more poem's with you. You can read the first post here. Both poems were published in The American Poetry Annual by The Amherst Society in 1995. I was 17 years old and had not graduated from high school. I submitted a few other poems but they were so dark and depressing. I wasn't surprised when they were rejected. When I did receive notification that two of my poems would be published I had to beg my parents on hands and knees to order the book. If I accomplish nothing else in life, besides giving birth to two 8 lb 2 oz babies, I can say that I am a published poet.

Without further ado, and please remember I was 17, my poems.

Love makes me wonder about life as I know it
Sometimes love doesn't make me think at all
You feel as though you're invincible, floating on a cloud
And then one day the cloud floats away
Along with the love
You wonder what went wrong, why the feelings changed
Get over it they say, but the love in your heart still says.
-Copyright Chantel G.

You are all I can think about
You are all I dream about
Pictures of you flash in my head
Your name escaped softly from my lips
Did you hear me when I cried out your name late that night?
It was you I wanted but I couldn't let you know
It was you I wanted but I didn't let it show
But now that we have grown apart
We can never have what we once did
I long for you to want me, to think about me, to even call me on the phone
Our friendship couldn't sustain the pain you caused, but still I can't let go.
-Copyright Chantel G.

You would think I had a serious love affair in high school right? You would be wrong but I still love ya! I never had a boyfriend. Probably because I was gay. Or it could have been because I went on one date in 9th grade against my parent's "orders" and of course I got caught. I think the word spread that I was too much trouble to date.

Do you have any heart wrenching love poems from your teenage years? Please share them so I don't feel so lonely.

Project 52

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The start of the new year is full of hope, new opportunities, new chances to get it "right" and the start of...well new things. MyLove and a few of my very talented friends are participating in Project 365. The premise is that you take a photo a day. I love this idea. I've thought about doing this come January 1 for a few years now. The problem is I'm usually recuperating on January 1st. You know, from the night before.

You can jump in and start any time during the year. While this is a nice idea it fucks with my perfectionist mentality. If I just jumped in, I would have missed X many days and I would have failed. I know this isn't true but damn that negative self talk.

I can barely remember to take my blood pressure medicine. The pressure to take a picture a day is overwhelming. Instead I'm going to rock Project 52. I don't even know if Project 52 is a real thing but if not, let's just say I started it. I will take a photo each week and share it here. I'll also post the photo on my Flickr account.

Hopefully by the end of the year my photo's will show improvement. My hope is that this will be a lot of fun and I'll end up taking more than 52 photo's. Or not. If I can just have fun with this assignment and not freak out, I'll consider it a win.

Enjoy my Week 1 and Week 2 photo's. Are you participating in Project 365 or Project 52? Leave a comment and let me know! I'd love to check out your photo's.

A Poem About Stress

Monday, January 10, 2011

When I was in younger and dealing with this and an abusive relationship which I have yet to write about, I wrote poetry. ALL THE TIME! It was the only way I could get my feelings out. I have notebooks full of dark, depressing odes to my life. Some of the poems are downright awful but I keep this notebook to look back on my life. I have come a long way.

This week I'll be sharing a few of my favorite poems. The first poem made me laugh and it's so silly. I can't remember where I was working when I wrote this. I obviously didn't enjoy the job. This poem resonates with me because I always feel stressed. It sad to think I felt this way 15 years ago! It's like I was predicting my future. I hope it makes you laugh.

Written: 6/12/96 by Chantel G. (maiden name)

Stress wears your body out
Stress fries your brain
Stress makes you panic
Stress who’s to blame?

Running around frantic
A million things on your mind
Who, what, when, where, why?
Why must you do everything?
Can’t these losers thinks for themselves
A billion and one sticky notes
One on your phone, on your desk, in the car, oh shit, there’s one stuck in your hair

Stress wears your body out
Stress fries your brain
Stress makes you panic
Stress who’s to blame?

Do this, do that, hurry now, don’t be late
No time to eat, can’t even think straight
Your feet ache, your back breaks
Your head is split in two
But before you crack or melt away
I just have a few things to say

You are a good person
You do the best you can do
There are only 24 hours in this day
Take time out to do for you
Unplug the phones
Read a book
Call your mother and wish her well
Do whatever you have to do
Just take time out for you…ONLY YOU
Please yourself, but do it soon because
Before you know it…

The bloodhounds will be back on your back
With do this, do that
If they want things done down to a “T”
Tell them to shove it up their ass!

*This poem is property of Chantel W. Stealing will result in junk punches.*

It's Basketball time

Saturday, January 8, 2011

I'm sitting on a dirty rolled up carpet inside one of our town's oldest Elementary Schools.

Today is the first basketball practice for the Princess. Our team consists of 11 2nd grade girls. We split the gym with a team of 2nd grade boys.

As the Z-Man and I sit together and watch the practice, its apparent how different boys and girls are. Of course I already know this being the mom of a boy and a girl but it's hilarious to watch.

The girls are incredibly chatty. In between instruction they're showing each other where they've recently lost teeth. They play with each other's ponytails and giggle.

The boys on the other hand are quiet and reserved. They look for instruction from their coach. I think because it's the first practice the rough housing hasn't begun.

Its going to be a fun 8 weeks. The Princess has made 3 baskets and she's full of smiles.

Hope you're weekend is full of smiles too!
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

It's the last day of the year....already

Friday, December 31, 2010

How did we get here so quickly? December 31st...again. This year has been a whirlwind. I had to look back at my handful of posts to jog my memory of what the hell I did. Apparently I was busy!

I drove from Maryland to Texas! 1,615 miles with my Love and the kids in a minivan. I didn't kill them and only once did I contemplate opening the door, jumping out and begging for mercy. I remember the kids being in awe at the number of cows we saw while driving through Arkansas. I remember going to check out model houses with the kids and envisioning a life living in Texas.  The Z-Man said we couldn't live there because the houses don't have basements. We had so much fun visiting my Love's family. We had breakfast burritos which I could probably make at home but it wouldn't be the same. We went to the Riverwalk, the drive through Animal Safari and to Austin. It was an amazing trip and I can't believe we did it! I remember wanting to cry when I finally made the right turn back into our apartment complex after the long drive home. We're going to make the trip again in 2011. This time on an airplane. I hope!

This year I also went to Cleveland to take care of my good friend Sara. This trip was made by possible by some amazing friends who I've met through Twitter. I wish I could have stayed longer. I consider Sara and her family MY family.

My last trip this year was to NYC for BlogHer! At the end of the trip I lost my voice. It was a good time!

In between my traveling, I found time in the last two months of the year to be on TV. Just another day in the life of the girlfriend of a rock star. In October I was interviewed by WUSA 9 about bullying. You can read all about that here. This week I was on The Rachel Ray Show. It was a segment that filmed back in August while at BlogHer. This was completely unintentional. My insane cackle at the end will forever make me laugh at myself. In a good way.

In 2010 I continued on the weight loss journey. I tried a little of this, ate a little of that. I'm pretty sure that I weigh more than I did on January 1, 2010 but not too much more. Remember, that nice scale I bought so I could face the number? I shoved it under the bed where it now collects dust. It never had anything nice to say. I may pull it out in 2011, maybe not. I'm going to take it one day at a time.

This year my kids grew taller. The Z-Man has surpassed me in height at 12 years old. I'm still not okay with this. The Princess has spent the last few months without any front teeth. It's the cutest thing I've ever seen. I call her my little old lady. I can say without a doubt that 2010, as busy as I kept myself, I truly enjoyed every second with my kids. Becoming a mom when you're 20 and 25 is incredibly hard. I think I'm finally growing up and learning to cherish every moment. My babies are growing up so fast.

I'm not making any resolutions for 2011. I don't see the point when I know I won't make it past two weeks. Why set myself up for disappointment?

My plans for the new year include more travel, more family time, more laughing, more smiling and enjoying the new found knowledge that deep down I am really happy. I've tried to resist the fact that I kinda like making a meal for my family. I think I'll embrace that in 2011. I'm coming into my own doing "mommy" stuff. There are times when it feels like me against the world. There is never enough money, I can never get enough sleep, I'm fat and I'm just damn depressed. I can't change the chemistry in my brain but I can change how I deal with the not so fun stuff.

I'm madly in love with my girlfriend, in a few weeks I'll be officially divorced from my babies daddy, my children are healthy. I have an amazing family and I feel truly blessed! For 2011 I'm going to focus on all the good and positive things that surround me.

I wish you health, happiness, laughter and love in the new year!

P.S. I'm moving to Wordpress and I've got a pretty new blog to debut in a few weeks. So excited!
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