Alright let's go...
I'm developing quite the farmer's tan due to Saturday soccer games and Sunday flag football games. I'm very light skinned and I like to get a little color. The color prevents people from thinking I have jaundice.
The only other body part that's getting tanned is my feet. Flip flops equal love. Toes should really be free from the dark, warm confines of a closed toe shoe. Please to get a pedicure BEFORE you bare all.
I'd love to brown the other parts of my body but that is not happening anytime soon. I love you all too much to expose my faux 7-month pregnancy tummy and/or thunder thighs!
But never fear, I purchased a scale yesterday. It proceeded to tell me I weighed 145 lbs. I fainted and then moved the scale to the bathroom floor where it produced an accurate, alebit extremely high number.
I'm walking daily, eating better, drinking my water and cutting back on all the other
Speaking of things being brown... This morning I was getting dressed for work. I have two pair of pants that I rotate because 1) I'm fat 2) Nothing fits 3) I refuse to buy pants in size 123456789 and as I was buttoning said pair of brown pants I noticed something on my leg. It was a caterpillar! I don't know how it got there. I don't where it came from. Are there more of them? Is my closet suddenly going to become a cocoon? Needless to say I freaked the eff out and put on Capri's. Casual capri's that I normally wouldn't wear for work but I can't go near those caterpillar pants again!
I'm throwing my best friend a birthday party on Friday. My house is a wreck, I haven't gone grocery shopping, I don't exactly have a plan for the party. The only thing I do know is I'm required to make my delish deviled eggs. The Princess loves to help me make them, so I'll put her to work. I work best under pressure so I have no doubt it'll be a good time. In the event it's a disaster, my plan is to keep their wine glasses full and no one will be the wiser.
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Maybe it was a silk worm! You could employ him to weave you silk pants that fit but won't be a size 12364156 because they're custom-made.
I'm jealous. I want a silk worm, none of my pants fit either.
Yes, I HAVE had too much coffee, why do you ask?
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