"Going Out"

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Have I told ya'll that The Z-Man has a girlfriend? Well, had. It was his 3rd 4th "girlfriend" of the school year. Yes, we're talking the Sixth Grade.

At the beginning of the school year he couldn't care less about girls. His best friend however is girl crazy and has been for awhile. He snatched up his first girlfriend fairly quickly. The Z-Man was neither here nor there. It was a non-issue.

Fast forward to this past Christmas. He wanted to buy his then girlfriend a small gift. I gave him a $10 limit and set him loose in Wal-mart since we were already there. He told me about the girlfriend and his desire to get her a gift before winter break, the day BEFORE winter break. I have no idea where he learned this degree of procrastination. Not. A. Clue.

When he gave me grief over his $10 gift limit, I didn't have the heart to tell him it wouldn't last. It's the 6th grade for Christ's sake! I predicted the end of the relationship well before he did. As him mom, I try not to play the role of dream crusher. At least not around the Holidays. A few months pass by and this girlfriend decided she would rather be friends. I hope it wasn't the cheap jewelry.

His most recent "relationship" didn't last very long. The Z-Man found himself smack dab in the middle of D-R-A-M-A! He said, she said, hearsay and hurt feelings. This girlfriend was told that The Z-Man only went out with her because he felt sorry for her. I knew this wasn't true and The Z-Man tried to tell her the truth but the girl ended it. She'd rather be single then have a pity boyfriend. I have to admire her level of self esteem and courage at this age.

I was talking to a friend today who was genuinely upset with me that I "let" The Z-Man talk to girls on the phone, receive and send text messages and have a "girlfriend". I never thought I would feel this way but now that I'm in the midst of all, it's okay with me. To a degree.

I remember 6th grade. It was the year I wore blue eyeshadow and went through half a day of school with a pink sponge roller still fastened to my bangs. It was a year of crushes, prank phones calls, changing in front of other girls while on the rag and other assorted nightmares.

But this isn't 1990. I'm not stupid. I talk to The Z-Man often about girls, what he thinks about them, what "going out" or "dating" means to him, sex and other uncomfortable because seriously this is my first born who use to aim his pee directly at me while I changed his little size 2 baby diaper and now at 11 years old is almost taller than me and how in the hell did this happen topics.

He's growing up. He's learning. He's social while at the same time very introspective. He's experimenting with what it means to have a "girlfriend" at this age. He's a good boy. I've raised him right. He opens and holds the door for women and children. He puts the toilet seat down. He's very sensitive and caring. To him, in his mind, "going out" means sitting next to your girlfriend at lunch if you have the same lunch period. Maybe carrying her books to and from class if it's not out of your way and won't cause you to be late for class. There is more weight among his peers in the words "going out" then actions. The relationship is very similar to the one he has with his best friends. Save for the developing breasts and vagina's.

In talking with my friend tonight, I realized that I'm okay with this. I'm okay with his current level of interaction with the opposite sex. I monitor his activities. I keep the lines of communication open. In the same respect I'm not an idiot and The Z-Man He knows this. He's fully aware that if his penis comes in contact with anyone or anything except his hand(s) before marriage, I'll cut that shit off!


3 Responses to “"Going Out"”
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I agree, Chan. I think it's totally fair to set age-appropriate limits on interaction with the opposite sex (like no sleepovers, no closed doors, whatever). But discouraging or disallowing Z-man to express the natural feelings he has will only drive him to hide things from you. Being honest and open but firm is the best bet, IMHO. You might want to check in with me in, oh I don't know, about 6 years though. Eeek.

Awesome. Well said, my friend. xoxo

As a mom of three teens, I think you're being very realistic with your son. Too many parents seem to go off in one extreme or the other ...
Sex is okay at age 12, or they believe their kids will never talk to the opposite sex until after the age of 18. I think you've got a good grip on it!

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